


Living in the Digital World

by Sid



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Asexuality, Established Relationship, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-13
Updated: 2011-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-26 01:26:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sid/pseuds/Sid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Their jagged edges fit together.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Living in the Digital World

**Living in the Digital World**

Jack pulled his left knee closer to his chest and turned his face farther into the pillow. Open and hiding; hiding all his life, never able to be open before now. Not like this. Not like with Daniel.

Daniel’s finger slid in and out of Jack’s ass with a slow, steady rhythm. Just the way he liked it, craved it, needed it. It was all he’d ever needed or wanted. A finger, just like this, filling him just enough, building his arousal at a measured pace.

Jack breathed shallowly, relaxed and focused on those few inches of his body that were being stimulated. Perfectly stimulated. Daniel was so fucking good at this. He was the best.

But then Daniel knew exactly what Jack wanted, which no one else ever had. Because Jack couldn’t _tell_ anyone else. He couldn’t ask for _what_ he wanted, let alone give them instructions on how to do it just right, with a straight finger, no crooking or twisting, no speeding up. Just in and out, nice and easy, making Jack’s rectum pulse around it and his untouched cock throb and grow.

Sara had fingered him sometimes, but she didn’t realize how important it was and she never kept it up for long. Other times, while he was fucking her, Jack might take her hand and place it on his ass, but she would squeeze him or scratch lightly, not knowing what he wanted, or if she did know, not caring to oblige. Why would she want to, really? If she wouldn’t enjoy it, why would she want to do it, even though Jack conversely enjoyed fucking her when it wasn’t what he wanted. It was what a man did, and he was in love.

A man did other things, too, when necessary. With other men. Men who had a reason to stick their fingers up Jack’s ass. To them it was just the prep for the real thing, but to Jack it was the closest he ever came to ‘the real thing.’ With a man Jack could say, “Slower,” could show how good it was making him feel, could say, “Just keep doing that a little longer.” Up to a certain point.

But one finger was inevitably followed by two, which was good in its own way but not Jack’s way, and ultimately they’d fuck him, which wasn’t always bad and sometimes Jack could even come from that, but it wasn’t the kind of languorous orgasm he longed for. He couldn’t even enjoy the immediate aftermath of coming, because those were the moments that revealed whether or not he’d wound up with the type of guy who wanted to kiss and cuddle, so Jack had to focus on getting up and out of there as quickly as he could.

Nothing against kissing and cuddling, no reflection on those guys to be inferred; Jack had always loved cuddling with Sara, with or without sex. Kissing guys before sex was just part of the program, part of the seduction, a sort of necessary evil that wasn’t really all that bad. Kissing guys after sex was for gays, which Jack wasn’t.

He didn’t know what he was, but he knew he wasn’t gay. Queer, maybe. Not so queer that he couldn’t love and make love to a woman, but queer enough that he walked the face of the Earth and knew he was different from the multitudes. Queer enough that he had to hide his queerness, because who could be trusted with knowing it?

Then he met Daniel, who turned out to be queer in his own ways, although Jack certainly wouldn’t have guessed that when he left Daniel behind on Abydos with his bride. But even before Sha’re’s death, Jack sensed that Daniel might be a little in love with him. Afterwards, he was positive. What now? He certainly didn’t find Daniel unappealing and he trusted him entirely. He’d been sharing things with Daniel almost from the beginning; it had come naturally. If he could share this secret, if Daniel could give him what he wanted, Jack knew he could give Daniel whatever it was sexually that _he_ wanted most. It wouldn’t be a burden, it would be a fair exchange.

But a relationship with Daniel would be wrong on so many levels, not least of which was the fact that he couldn’t fall in love with Daniel in return. That part wouldn’t be fair at all. Jack backed away. And what happened? Daniel apparently got the message, but he didn’t move on, didn’t turn to someone else, didn’t _get a fucking life_. No, he left the plane of existence, ripping out Jack’s guts in the process.

It was more than enough to make Jack see that even if he couldn’t exactly be queer for Daniel, he could love him deeply and to hell with the rest of the world. It was enough to make Jack act once he had Daniel back. From there, love guided them both, stumbling and cringing, through declarations and surprising revelations and surprisingly simple negotiations, and brought them to a place of harmony which neither of them had ever expected to achieve individually. Their jagged edges fit together.

Jack loved, but had no sexual interest in, Daniel and was truly interested in only one sexual act. Daniel was in love with Jack and very happy to perform that sexual act for him, but for himself had absolutely no interest in sexual or romantic activity of any nature. Queerness meshed cozily with asexuality, and sometimes the queerest thing of all, to Jack, was that fate had somehow conspired to bring this unlikely union about. It would almost be enough to restore his erstwhile faith in God, except that it had been the false god Ra, in fact, who’d started the whole thing.

He chuckled into the pillow.

Daniel’s finger paused for a second and then continued its steady thrust. “Did you think of something funny, or are you just happy?”

Warmth suffused Jack’s chest. He turned his face and looked past his shoulder. “You make me happy.”

Daniel’s eyes filled with delight and his nose crinkled when he smiled. “That’s what I like to hear.”

Jack turned back to the pillow, hiding his own smile. He felt a touch on his hip, a chaste kiss. He closed his eyes and dreamily floated, both anchored and lifted by the gentle power of Daniel’s finger, arousal humming quietly through his body, rippling along his veins, sinking into his bones. All he would ever want or need.


End file.
